My Pee Is a Shooting Star

Contest winners! Blog migration! Butterflies!

2008-07-08T19:33:00.000-07:00

Hello loyal blog readers, all three of you! You may have noticed that the contest announced several weeks ago has dragged on a bit longer than it sounded like it would. Not to fear, I haven't forgotten it. Since there were only two entrants, I have decided...drumroll please...to give both of them prizes! Heroic Autobot, and you know how are, your darling little M will receive a Beelzebubbles onesie, unless you choose something else made by our friend Tina.

Speaking of Tina, she is the other winner! Tina, now you have to have lunch with me, darnit. I'm paying.

Now, please, join me at the new address of this blog, mypeeislikeashootingstar.wordpress.com.

If you visit the new blog, you will see that the caterpillar pictured a couple of posts back has become a butterfly.

Strange images that seem normal to me

2008-06-25T05:17:00.000-07:00

Older son felt tired mid-hike.

Here, I think that the pennies are suppose to be like icebergs.

And we're growing butterflies!

2008-06-25T05:10:00.000-07:00

This year once again we are raising a Monarch caterpillar. Yesterday it made its cocoon, see above. Hard to take good pics through plastic, sorry.

Today we're having butterfly air around here

2008-06-13T12:36:00.000-07:00

Mom: "Boy, it's muggy today! Not so hot, but really muggy."
Son: "Muddy? Where?"
Mom: "Nope, muggy. It means the air feels wet. Mug-gy, instead of mud-dy. When the air feels kind of thick and wet like this."
Son: [thoughtful pause] "I see. It's sort of like butterfly air."
Mom: [thoughtful pause] "Oh, you mean the air in the butterfly exhibit at the museum?"
Son: "Yes."
Mom: "Yes, that's muggy!"

Mom, I can count in "Spanish"!

2008-06-05T21:47:00.000-07:00

Last week: "This is all of the Spanish I know, Mom. Nacho, cinco, seis!"

This week: Counted from one to ten in Spanish perfectly, except mis-pronounced ten as "dien" instead of "diez."

Not sure which I preferred, nacho, cinco, seis! was pretty hilarious.

He now uses "Spanish" to refer to any foreign language, and makes up bizarre "Spanish" words. I cannot transcribe any of them here, they are too bizarre and long. They sound like a sentence from some Polynesian language, or sometimes a cat coughing up a hairball.

A real minion

2008-05-28T11:56:00.000-07:00

This hilarious commercial is almost unwatchable, until the very end.

It is also somewhat reassuring, in that I don't think either of my sons is quite this bad. Okay, I know, it's come very, very close with the older one sometimes. But he isn't even as old as the boy in the commercial, yet.

Something special

2008-05-27T14:24:00.001-07:00

From my friend, with her hilarious daughter:

Daughter: I love sparkly clothes! Love, love, love. Why aren't all clothes sparkly?
Mom: I think because if they were all sparkly, the sparkles wouldn't be special.

Two days later....
Mom: I was very proud of your behaviour at the Kite Festival. It was so much fun to be with you when you were doing such good listening. It was a special day.
Daughter: If I did good listening all season, it wouldn't be special.

Making the gas station cashier laugh

2008-05-27T05:32:00.001-07:00

On the way back from grandma and grandpa's yesterday, we stopped at a country gas station. If you have travelled much in the rural upper Midwest, you will be familiar with this particular type of gas station. It was a combo convenience store, truck stop, gas station, "family restaurant" (I never know what that means exactly--no strippers?), and place to shop for kitschy hunting and country type household goods and random objects.

The convenience store was...a little overwhelming in its display of unrelated, weird, and useless consumer goods. For instance, just to give you the flavor of it, when you walked in the front door, just about knee level to your left was a shelf with a display of: dinosaur head puppets (or possibly masks for children? it wasn't clear and I didn't investigate that closely), two somewhat frightening baby dolls in apparently handmade doll clothes, and a box of hunting-themed lighters.

My son was momentarily stunned by that shelf. Finally I got him to follow me in a little further, looking for the restrooms, and just as we passed the cashier, he shouted out, "See mom, I told you! This place is like a fun house!"

The cashier laughed and she and I exchanged a knowing glance. She said, "Well, that's one I haven't heard before."

When we finished our restroom business, we got some junk food snacks, and went to check out. In front of the cashier station was a tall stand of coonskin caps. They appeared to me to possibly be made of actual coonskin, though once again I declined to investigate too closely. My son was just standing there holding his items, but suddenly he saw the caps.

In his most disgusted voice, he said loudly. "Mom! Look at this! Who did this! You know how I feel about dead animals!"

The cashier really got a kick out of him.

Gardening with grandpa

2008-05-27T05:28:00.000-07:00

Two funny anecdotes from older son's gardening adventures with grandpa this weekend.

#1
They were planting amaryllis bulbs. My dad undoubtedly was telling my son very specific information about the nature of amaryllis bulbs, their appropriate growing conditions, etc. A neighbor walked by and my son shouted out, "We are rich in rhizomes!"

#2
Not too long after that incident, my son was back inside. We decided to go for a little trip to the store. On the way we passed grandpa, still on his knees out in the garden.

"Oh!" I said, a little surprised. "Did grandpa say he didn't need your help anymore?"
"Oh no," said my son. "He said he still really needed my help."
"But you went in anyway?"
"Yes, I told him I was too tired from all that work!"

Morning fun in our yard.

2008-05-16T08:07:00.000-07:00

There was recently a bizarre news story in our town, about the sighting of a black bear near a busy shopping mall. I told my older son about it, since he loves all things animals.

Today, we were working in the yard. Well, I was working, baby strapped to my chest. My son was running around making holes, poking things, chasing the dog, etc. Suddenly he shouts out, "Mom, I saw a bear in our yard!"

"Oh, really?" To be honest, this didn't even phase me, it's the sort of thing he says a lot.

"Yes!"

"Where is it?"

"Um, it just climbed up a tree! We have to get ready for it!"

"Why? What do we need to do?"

"We have to kill it. Here, take this." He tries to hand me an imaginary knife.

I shake my head. "Oh no, I am not going to help kill it."

"But it's mean! It might eat me!"

"Bears would rather eat rabbits, and berries and stuff. They're usually not man-eaters. Anyway, God just made them that way, they can't help it."

"Well, I'm going to kill it."

"Okay. But I'm going to have to defend it."

Long pause. "What does defend it mean?"

"I'm going to protect it from you if you try to kill it."

"Oh." Pause. "Okay, mom! We have to protect this bear when it comes out of the tree!"

Returns to running around, poking holes in the earth with sticks, hitting the garage and random trees, destroying garlic mustard, etc.

That's it, this isn't really a funny story, just a snapshot of our life! I hope everyone else is enjoying the beautiful springtime as much as we are.

Why do you say cow to tell me you're done?

2008-05-09T22:57:00.000-07:00

"When I'm done in the bathroom, I'll say cow, and then you can come in."
"Okay. But why do you say cow to tell me you're done?"
"Um, I say cow so that people will know when it is that I'm done with something."
"Yes, but why?"
"I want to tell them when I'm done."
"Well, why not say "I'm done." Or you could say, "elephant," elephants are your favorite animals. Why did you decide to say "cow"?"
"Okay, okay. When I'm done in the bathroom, I'll say elephant."

Sigh.

This is what you do when a thing dies

2008-05-04T16:44:00.000-07:00

"You take a tile and put it in the water in my sandbox. Then God does his magic love and takes the dead thing to heaven."

We had two dead rabbits in the yard this weekend. Our dog's a good hunter.

Sorry I missed Friday posting again. I'm distracted these days.

Fast crawler

2008-04-29T18:28:00.000-07:00

My baby is a speed crawler. And, he thinks it's hilarious to crawl away from me. He takes off across the living room at an ordinary crawling pace, picks up a little speed rounding the corner towards the room we call the green room, and then takes off like a...mouse? or something really fast like that, scurrying, when he hears me coming up behind him. And giggles madly.

It is very cute.

Sorry I didn't blog on Friday, we've been low on the funny lately.

Note on the bathroom door

2008-04-18T07:05:00.001-07:00

(from Rebecca, and the note was written by her brilliant 4-year-old daughter; in red crayon)

Der Mom

I am sare for the mes in dees bat room.

I was playn sitist.

I love you.

Mese Kate.

(translation: I'm sorry for the mess in this bathroom. I was playing scientist. Messy Kate.)

There's nothing like eating orange juice and eggs.

2008-04-18T07:02:00.001-07:00

This morning. It's all I've got.

Comment contest!!!!

2008-04-11T07:26:00.000-07:00

So, I know from talking to many of my friends with cute kids of their own that they do read this blog. And yet no one ever comments!

I've decided to create a comment contest. For the next month, I will wait with bated breath for someone, or dare I dream, multiple persons, to comment on the blog, offering their own kids' funny talk, or something like that. In mid-May, I will select the funniest or best comment and reward that commenter with one of Tina Kugler's awesome Beelzebubbles t-shirts or if you'd prefer one of her other creations.

Or, if the winner is Tina, which seems like a possibility, then I will take her to lunch.

Okay: go to! Comment away! Oh, the excitement!

Pirates have no regrets

2008-04-11T07:23:00.000-07:00

My older son thinks that The Helio Sequence's song "No Regrets" (which you can hear here for free) sounds like pirates.

Son: Mom, the name of this song is Pirate Calabeeno.
Mom: Pirate Calabeeno?
Son: Oh...no, wait, it's Pirate Core Shore.
Mom: Pirate Core Shore? Why?
Son: Because it sounds like pirates.

Dedicated readers of this blog will realize that my older son frequently thinks songs sound like pirates....

Animal soup

2008-04-04T18:32:00.000-07:00

My favorite part of my birthday party was when my older son made "animal soup." For some reason, this involved tying animal toys to the lamp. Like this:

We are a weird household.

The pollen

2008-04-03T21:01:00.000-07:00

I had to work late every night so far this week. Older son was already sleepy when I got home. Last night as he was falling asleep, he was mumbling about the pollen he'd picked for me. "Pollen?" I asked. "Do you mean a flower?" "No!" he grumbled, "The pollen. It's here. You just didn't see it."

I thought he was full of nonsense. This morning when I woke up and got dressed, I found a little bowl of tulip petals and and stamens, covered with pollen, on the top of my dresser. Very pretty, springy.

I miss the kids, they are at their dad's tonight.

You are the worst mom that I ever had

2008-04-01T15:24:00.001-07:00

No doubt.

Oh, God, God, I want to jump on a mushroom

2008-03-31T07:38:00.000-07:00

Son: Ah, mom! [imagine wistful tone] I was just thinking about what it would be like to jump on a mushroom.
Mom: Oh, yes, I bet that would be fun, especially if it were a big one.
Son: Or a small one.
Mom: Well, except that if it were a very small one, you would probably squish it when you jumped on it.
Son: [pause] Unless you were a very, very small person.
Mom: True, like a fairy or something.
Son: Yes. [pause] Oh, God, God [wistful tone again], I wish I could jump on a mushroom!

Magic Potion

2008-03-28T11:12:00.000-07:00

Mom: "Yes, you can make a potion."

The first picture shows the potion at the stage when it contained OJ, salt, pepper, liquid vitamin drops, two baby carrots, biscuit crumbs, a squirt of toothpaste, and a slice of beet.

Mom: "Wow. That's really a potion. You know, potions do magic. Like, some potions turn little things into big things. What does your potion do?
Son: "It makes things stink."
Mom: "I bet it does.

The second picture shows the potion later, at the stage when it contained the former ingredients plus a dash of cocoa mix and about a cup of lentil soup, and frankly only God knows what else.

Mom: "Ewww. That looks gross."
Son: "No it isn't! Smell, it smells great!"
Mom: "Oh, does it taste good?"
Son: Shaking head and looking a little down. "No, it doesn't, not at all."

Day care story

2008-03-28T08:01:00.000-07:00

Well, my older son denies that the following story occurred, but I heard it from a reliable day care source. He had a substitute teacher yesterday. She has facial hair on her chin area. My son asked, "why do you have a beard like my dad?"

Sigh. Can't even really explain to him what was so rude about that, yet. But the fact that he's denying it took place makes me wonder if he already kind of knows it's rude.

Happy Friday!

Mom, I'm so pleased with you!

2008-03-28T08:00:00.001-07:00

For cleaning up the house!

If you do this every day, you will get a star.

Scary Easter Bunny

2008-03-21T15:04:00.000-07:00

I almost forgot, from Tina's blog...

He knows how cute he is

2008-03-21T15:00:00.000-07:00

My older son has trouble waking up in the morning. The other day I was kissing and tickling him a little, trying to wake him up. He was smiling and rolling away and falling back to sleep. I leaned in and said, "You are so cute," and gave him another kiss and a pat, and started walking away. He heaved a big sigh and rolled onto his back, and through closed eyes said, "I _know_ that already, mom!"

Not sure if that's a good thing, but he really is a cutie, I guess it's okay he knows it.

That's all I've got this week, I'm out of town.

It's our lucky day!

2008-03-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

Son: Mom, look, there are so many animals in our yard today! See that squirrel? Look, some birds. Oh! A rabbit is peeking out!
Mom: Yes, there really are a lot today.
Son: Yep, it must be our lucky day!!

:) Happy Spring to everybody! We're headed to the Shedd....

Oh for the love of Pete's sake

2008-03-09T20:39:00.000-07:00

That's what my older son kept saying at the Field Museum. E.g., "Oh for the love of Pete's sake! I am so cold." (when we were going from the parking lot to the museum)

And another funny one: "Mom, look at that porcupine! It has really big porcs!" (the giant African porcupine)

Today, we were the greeters at church. I guess he was warming up on the way in, because he said, "Good morning, trees! Good morning, grass! Good morning snow!" And when we were inside, "Good morning, God!" Needless to say, he greeted all the other members very cheerfully too.

This week, the statements will be shared sans explanations.

2008-03-06T21:28:00.000-08:00

Mom, I drank some of my pee. It was an accident.

Did you know that the ground has one hundred stomachs? And the ocean has one hundred mouths? It drinks itself.

Can I pretend that my eggs are worms?

Mom: Ow! Why did you punch me like that?!?
Son: I'm sorry, I just wanted you to back up.

Son: Mom, I want to wear two shirts to school!
Mom: What? Why?
Son: Dunn-Reese wears two shirts. He will like it if I wear two shirts.
Mom: [sigh]

Do not eat toilet paper.

2008-02-29T14:32:00.000-08:00

Well here it was Friday at 4:30 p.m., I was despairing of having nuthin' to blog about this week, and leave it to the older boy. He always comes through for me. Another thing I never thought I'd have to say. And have now said twice.

Peace!

Work can be so retiring

2008-02-22T07:33:00.000-08:00

So we're cleaning house today.
Older son likes to vacuum. I have a light vacuum, don't worry, it's safe. He's supervised.
So anyway, he was vacuuming for a while, and got tired, came in the kitchen and asked for a glass of water. Took a big breath and said, "Oh! I'm so tired, it's like we're real workers. Can I have a glass of water?"
Which was already hilarious.
And then I said, "yeah, it's hard work cleaning up."
And he said, "Yeah, doing work is really retiring."
:)

I wish I had a different mommy who wasn't mean to me and didn't give me consequences!!

2008-02-22T05:45:00.001-08:00

Yesterday morning, as I was scrambling to get the baby dressed, my older son was downstairs watching Magic School Bus. I vaguely recall him complaining he was hungry, but since he'd eaten two scrambled eggs, half an apple, and a little toast, I wasn't too concerned. I often give him a little snack in the car on the way to day care.

So, I go downstairs with the baby because it turns out there are no clean pants in his drawer so I have to go rummage around the clean laundry I haven't put away yet. And I'm doing so when I hear out of the corner of my ear the older brother saying, "I'm so sorry about that, mom, and those were the last eggs. Sorry I broke them. I was hungry."

Huh? I look up, and it turns out that he (1) got eggs out of the fridge, (2) brought them down to the basement, (3) cracked them open, and (4) left them all over a tv table and the end table.

My brain just sort of stopped when it saw this. I do not need this crap.

I made a split decision to turn off TV, that that would be the consequence, no TV for the rest of the morning or in the car on the way to school (gramma and grandpa gave us a portable DVD player for the car for Christmas, thanks!!). Older son was not happy with this consequence.

"Mom, you are not my friend!"
"That's right, I'm your mom!"
"I wish I had a different mom!"
"Well good luck with that, buddy."
"I wish I had a mom who wasn't mean to me and didn't give me consequences!"

He had a good day at school. But then this morning he woke up and wanted eggs again. Sigh.

The dangers of smelling delicious

2008-02-20T11:59:00.000-08:00

From Rebecca

At bathtime
Mom: Daughter, you should try this new soap. It smells sooo good, like a lime dessert.
Daughter: (All excited, yelling in fact) That smells really, really, really good. Thank you, mommy, for letting me use the special soap.
Mom: Sure. That way you can smell delicious.
Daughter starts to look worried, puts soap down.
Daughter: Actually, I’ll just use my soap. (sad face) I don’t want anyone to accidentally nibble me. (delivered with sincerity)
Mom: You silly. Anyone can see you are a little girl, not a key lime pie.
Daughter: Ya! As she happily lathers up with the soap.

At bedtime, just before she drifts off
Daughter: Mommy! (alarmed) What about blind people?

Is Barack Obama a good fighter?

2008-02-19T18:08:00.000-08:00

Mom: I can't wait to hear who won!
Son: What is it?
Mom: Oh, there's an election for the president today.
Son: Oh, who is going to be the winner?
Mom: I hope it's Barack Obama.
Son: Oh, Barack Obama, is he a good fighter?
Mom: Um. Well, he does seem like a strong man.
Son: I bet he ruins a lot of shirts then.
Mom: What?
Son: From his big muscles.
Mom: Oh. Well, you know what, a president doesn't really have to be a fighter.
Son: Okay.

Pirate noise

2008-02-15T07:07:00.001-08:00

Well, this week was rather low on the funny. Mom worked A LOT.

So this is all I've got for you: my four-year-old's current favorite music is REM Monster. He says that the real name of the first track (What's the Frequency, Kenneth?) is "Pirate Noise!"

So when we do dance-party time (usually at least once a day), we are usually listening to Monster, and his "dancing" involves running around the room, climbing on the furniture, pretending to shoot and slash enemies, and occasionally shouting, "fire the cannonballs!" or "land ho!"

Pretty fun. Happy Friday everybody!

Two ropes of pee

2008-02-10T15:53:00.000-08:00

Son: Mom, I have to pee so bad I think it will be two ropes.
Mom: Uh-huh, okay honey. [pause, during which time mom replays what he just said in her mind] Wait, what did you just say?
Son: Two ropes of pee. You know, two pee ropes.
Mom: Uh, no, I don't understand. What does that mean?
Son: You know how your pee when it comes out, it looks like a rope?
Mom: Oh. Okay honey, why don't you go do that.

Charlie bit me

2008-02-08T09:29:00.000-08:00

and laughed about it!

Thank you for saying that

2008-02-08T08:11:00.000-08:00

"Look, mom, I got that piece of pizza myself."
"Wow! Thanks. I was busy. Did you close the refrigerator and put the rest back?"
"Uh-huh."
"You are such a big boy. "
"Thank you for saying that, mom."

Pregnancy causes memory loss.

2008-02-05T16:23:00.000-08:00

Duh.

I realize this is not actually on topic, I just don't care.

Two boys at tubtime...

2008-02-05T04:40:00.000-08:00

No! Stop that! You may not pee on the baby!

I don't care that he's laughing, it's still gross.

Perfect attire for demon babies!

2008-02-04T07:18:00.000-08:00

Tina has combined her hilariousness with her formidable artistic talents to create a onesie I am about to order, possibly in bulk...

http://thetinashow.blogspot.com/2008/02/is-your-baby-demon-spawn-too.html

I am putting in a plug for her cafepress shop: http://www.cafepress.com/tinakugler

Cool and cute stuff from a very cool mama! Why buy stuff from the store when you can get unique items from someone cool who you know, er, who is a friend of a friend? :)

The baby likes scones

2008-02-01T07:00:00.000-08:00

This post technically isn't on topic for the blog because it's not something the baby says but something he does. But since he doesn't say anything yet, he's underrepresented here, so I'm making an exception.

The first thing you need to know is that I make very good scones. I love to eat them, so I have tried a lot of different recipes. And my buttermilk scones, well, they are delicious.

The baby thinks so too. He has no pincher grip yet, but he loves to feed himself. He uses his hand like a kind of scoop, just grabbing wildly at whatever you put on the highchair tray.

With most other foods, he spills lots, more than he actually eats. But somehow the little bits of scone always end up in his belly rather than his lap.

So that's how I know he loves my scones! And that makes me happy.

Happy Friday everybody!

I am a scary mom....

2008-02-01T03:06:00.000-08:00

So this week like usual we spent one evening after day care at the place where they have a little cafe and indoor playground at the daycare center. I ordered dinner for my older son and he ran around and played while the baby and I sat and chatted with other moms. Okay, actually, the baby didn't chat, more like gurgled and squealed and waved at people. :)

There were some "big kids" playing on the equipment, maybe 8 or 9 to my son's 4 years old. One of the kids was making scary faces and scaring the littler ones. My son ran over to me, stood next to me on the couch I was sitting on, and shouted back, "Well, I am over by my mom now, and she is WAY scarier than you are!"

Such a proud moment.

So I said to him, quietly, "I am, and you know what, you know how to be pretty scary too...." And he ran over and made his scariest face and scream at the big kids, and they ran away. Little kids ran too. He is really scary when he wants to be. Comes by it honestly too.

Tina's Latest

2008-01-25T07:32:00.000-08:00

My kids did nothing funny this week. Well they did actually but I am too tired to blog about it, plus, seriously, Tina is funnier than I am. Enjoy!

Once there was an old lady

2008-01-18T05:51:00.001-08:00

who was very young. She had a dog that was very young too. And one day, some strangers comed to her house to take away her doggie. And there was detectives by her house and they try to track things down but one day the detectives saw no dog. And the person comed back to her house and said, "oh santa," but she didn't come. She thought she was lost for good. The detectives came over to her house and they didn't see him. And they checked everywhere, upstairs, downstairs, upbelow downstairs, upbelow upstairs, and you know, up there, where we sleep. And they checked the whole house but they couldn't find her dog. And so they wanted to work again but they didn't find her. And they worked over and over and over and over until they found that dog. And she was hiding in the place where you wash your clothes. She was hiding in that place. And they lived happily ever after.

Once upon a time there was a dragon. It lived in Africa. Nobody loved him. One day somebody passed his house but he didn't loved him. He wanted to leave Africa. And then one day all of the animals wanted to leave Africa because they wanted to be sorry for that dragon. And one time there was a surprise party for that dragon, but it had nobody inside it. And one day another dragon came to town and he thought nobody loved him. And they walked to each other and bumped into each other with a great big splash in the water hole of Africa. And the other animals were angry with them. And the dragons loved each other, and they lived happily ever after.

Weird English

2008-01-11T04:30:00.000-08:00

My oldest son is trying to figure out why some people speak in different words than others, and what words like "Spanish," "Russian," "Hebrew," and "English" mean. I think this question is in his mind because he has some Hebrew lessons at his school these days. For example, he spoke a nonsense word and then said, "that's how you say cat in English, mom," until I explained that no, the words we use all the time are English. Then he pointed at his mouth while he talked and said, "you mean this is English in here, this is English?" It was funny and also pretty cool the way he imagined the language as something he could almost touch, as it came out of his mouth.

So I've been thinking again about the ways that kids' language does not quite map onto regular adult language. One of the interesting things is the way they work out grammar rules. For instance, just like I'd read about in my linguistic classes back in college, my son early on was better with irregular verb endings than he is right now. When he was 2 and for a while at 3, he seemed to just memorize verbs, and the ones he knew, he'd say correctly. Then at some point his brain picked up on the fact that usually you add -ed to words to make the past tense, and he started doing that for all verbs. The best link I could find about this process is here: http://www.fathom.com/course/10701036/session3.html. Basically, kids seem to pretty much ignore your grammar corrections unless they are at a moment in development when their brains are working out that piece of grammar. An example you can find at that link:

"'My teacher holded the baby rabbits, and we patted them', said the child.
'Would you say she held them tightly?' asked mother.
'Oh no, she holded them loosely', replied her daughter."

I have had almost exactly the same type of useless exchange with my son.

So, for today, some "weird English" examples:

1. Right now my son thinks the word "army" is a collective noun. So he'll say things like, "Mom, this ship has army on it." Or, "they are having a big fight because the spaceship has army on it." Or, "this side has good army but this spaceship has bad army and that's why they are killing each other." When I speak back, I do say, "Oh, the spaceship has an army on it?" But he just nods and totally ignores me, saying, "yeah, they have a lot of army!"

Probably his interest in army began because he's picked up on the fact that "mom doesn't like army." Although he is quick to point out that "some army are good and protect us from bad army."

2. In my friend's "fruit stick" story, which I blogged about separately, the post just before this one, his daughter uses "he" as the pronoun for a girl. (Maybe she'll grow up to favor using masculine pronouns when gender isn't specific, though somehow knowing this friend, I doubt it!)

3. And another example from the same friend. His daughter is using "because" to mean "and" sometimes. So, for example, when her mom took away a piece of orange that she had stopped eating, she started screaming. Dad asked he what happened, and she said, “Mommy took my orange because I’m upset.”

Right, because that's what parents like to do, take things from their children to make them scream even more! :)

UPDATE: Coincidentally, shortly after I posted this, while discussing how to make panther stew (panther meat, broth, marshmallows, carrots, salt, and spices, in case you wondered), we had the following, more productive, exchange:

"See, I brung some spices for the meat. They will make it taste spicy."
"Oh, you brought some spices?"
"Yeah, and I bron...brought some salt, too."

I guess his brain was finally ready for that one!

The scary fruit stick story

2008-01-11T04:19:00.000-08:00

My friend passed along this hilarious bedtime story his daughter told him:

“One day, a girl went to the forest, and he saw a wolf! And he went to his house and he bumped his head. And he didn’t want a fruit stick.”

She told this story for a couple of nights, but then when asked to tell it a third night, refused, saying, "No, it's too scary."

Some misnomers and silly names

2008-01-04T06:24:00.000-08:00

Funny mistakes:
"Mom, I'm sorry your grandpa is in kevin."
"I want to watch Teenage Mute and the Turtles."
"Pulchers are good birds, because they clean up all the dead meat."

And silly names:
[looking at the koi pond at the botanical garden] "I call that one [the biggest, greediest one, orange with white stripes] Grand Opening Tiger Fish. And that one [smaller one that is mostly white] Delicate Fish."
"I call this song Still Trees."

Forced insomnia; or, the baby uses coercive methods

2007-12-29T13:38:00.000-08:00

Early this morning, oh so horribly early this morning, I had these thoughts:

It's like I have insomnia, except it's involuntary. What's the word for that? Oh yeah, sleep deprivation. But what do you call the activity that the person who is keeping you awake is doing? Oh yeah, torture. Wait, no, I think that we only call that a coercive measure now, not torture.

So, the baby is using coercive measures against me. To what end? It remains to be seen.

While doing so, he's really cute. He is all smiles and giggles and wants to play, from say 2 a.m. to oh 5 a.m. or so. The cuteness does not make the lack of sleep less pleasant.... [I meant "more pleasant," see, it's the sleep deprivation, can't even think straight]

No, no, you can't pretend to cut your brother up

2007-12-27T15:54:00.002-08:00

I don't care that it's a pretend knife, it's just not allowed.

Creepy full moon

2007-12-26T18:20:00.000-08:00

"I wish I could turn the moon off, because that light gives me the creeps."

It was a little spooky, especially with all the snow to reflect off of...

Sometimes when I do sassy business it's because I'm grumpy that I gave up my wings (more on fairies....)

2007-12-26T11:00:00.000-08:00

Another wonderful one, from Rebecca's comment to the last post!

Out of the blue:

Daughter: Mom, I have to tell you something really special and really scary.
Me (A little nervous): Oh, ya, what?
Daughter: When I was in your tummy, I had a choice to be a fairy or a human, and I chose human because I want to be human like my mommy.
Me: Oh, that's good.
Daughter: But I used to have wings when I lived in your tummy. But I gave them up.
Me: Oh
Daughter: So sometimes when I do sassy business it's because I'm grumpy that I gave up my wings.

You know, I think that's my problem too.

A night at the hospital and a couple hours sleep, and they seem like little angels again

2007-12-24T07:39:00.000-08:00

A sick baby and my helpful, loving family bring to mind one of my favorite quotes, one that's not kid related or funny:

"Our life is love, and peace, and tenderness: and bearing one with another, and forgiving one another, and not laying accusations one against another; but praying one for another, and helping one another up with a tender hand."

But also, the sleep deprivation brings to mind this funny exchange with my son.

Mom: "I am really tired now."
Son: "Yeah, me too. Let's not use our arms and legs. Let's just use our eyes to watch a show."

We wish you peaceful, love-filled, and restful holidays!

At worst our children are minions...

2007-12-23T18:32:00.001-08:00

Not actually Satan. Just minions.

Something I actually said today. I was just kidding, of course!

Happy Holidays!

Santa is a wizard or a boy fairy or a bad superhero (more on Santa from another four year old brain)

2007-12-23T06:17:00.000-08:00

This comment on my Santa post deserves to be its own post:

My conversation with my four-year-old about Santa:

Daughter: I don't think he can get to everyone's house in one night.
Me: It must be magic.
Daughter: Well, then he would be like a wizard or a boy fairy, and no one ever says that.
Me: So what do you think he is?
Daughter: Maybe like a superhero except he doesn't rescue anyone. He just brings toys.
Me: So super heroes have to rescue some one.
Daughter: Definitely. Except Santa. Because he is a bad superhero.
Me: Santa's a bad guy?
Daughter: No, he's just not good at being a superhero, a wizard, or a boy fairy. Poor Santa.

more bathroom humor

2007-12-22T16:52:00.000-08:00

"I think that last bit of pee wanted to make another shadow."

Hey mom did you see my m&m foot?

2007-12-22T08:37:00.000-08:00

This occurred before 8 a.m. this morning. And involved another sentence I can't believe came out of my mouth: "Would you like some cereal with your candy?"

I need to put the candy up.

And some random pictures he took with the digital camera

2007-12-21T04:17:00.000-08:00

My house has fangs....

2007-12-21T04:14:00.000-08:00

According to my four-year-old, that's what these things are called.

Santa is ordinary, magic, and apparently unemployed

2007-12-20T13:23:00.000-08:00

A real conversation about Santa.

"Mom, Santa is an ordinary man."
"Huh. I thought he was magic. How does he get all those presents in all those houses?"
"Yeah, mom. You know what ordinary means? It means...kind of...it means.... It means magic, except you have no job."

In many ways four year olds look and act like other human beings. But they're not. Really, they're not....

The imaginary goats and the meteor that killed all the dinos

2007-12-20T07:14:00.000-08:00

Some children have imaginary friends. My son has imaginary goats. Which is entertaining enough, like when they are eating his clothes, etc.

He also loves dinos and is obsessed with how they died. One of the things he wants to be when he grows up is a scientist who "makes the dinos come back to life."

So, this morning he said the most bizarrely entertaining thing about his goats yet.

"Aargh! [falls down on the ground as if knocked down by something] Mom, my goats are rolling up in to the shape of the meteor that killed the dinos! Ugh! [falls again; mom asks did you just say...?] Yeah, rolling up into the shape of the meteor that killed the dinos, and throwing themselves at me."

Oh, how proud I am.

Marriage

2007-12-19T20:01:00.000-08:00

"I want to marry my mom." (you can't)

"I want to marry my brother." (you can't)

"I don't want to marry that girl. What if she marries me by accident!?"

Commenting easier now

2007-12-19T11:47:00.003-08:00

I think I've fixed it so commenting is easier now.

And I will do my best to post at least once a week, on Friday.

alternative song titles

2007-12-18T18:31:00.000-08:00

Dashboard by Modest Mouse "Play that song that sounds like pirates on an island and they're hunting for a treasure"

Fire It Up by Modest Mouse "kangaroo hop"

And the new Breeders song, for which I have no link.... "coconut tree dance"

Tantrum at the grocery store tonight

2007-12-18T18:28:00.003-08:00

"No! I don't want candy! I want grapes!"

They were out of grapes.

Things I have actually said that I never would have said before having kids

2007-12-18T14:45:00.000-08:00

"You can have another cookie but you have to eat three bites of your pizza first."

"It's fine if you want to lie down in the snow, but try not to lie down on the dog poop."

"No, you can't just turn around, that's not what I meant by in private! Private means in the bathroom or your bedroom when you are by yourself."

My pee...

2007-12-18T14:40:00.000-08:00

Lately my older son likes to have an audience while he pees. Separation anxiety? Flasher in training? You tell me.

In any case, this situation has led to my hearing some really hilarious things he says while peeing.

#1: "The pee can go on these walls [points to walls of toilet bowl], but not these walls [points to walls of bathroom and accidentally sprays them too]"

#2: "Whoa! The pee was so excited it made a choice to come out right there!" (points to toilet lid) "See!?"

#3: "Sure, you can pee this way, mom. Just try it."

Plus, the shooting star one: "My pee is like a shooting star! See how it goes from here [points] to here [points]!"

Kids say really cool and funny things

2007-12-18T14:37:00.000-08:00

This is a blog memorializing the funny things my kids and my friends' kids say. The title comes from one of the best things my oldest son (the only one who talks at this point) said: "Look, mom, my pee is like a shooting star, see how it goes from here...to here...."

Sometimes I think I'll also post something hilarious that I said that I never would have said before I had kids.